Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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