2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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