At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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