Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
