Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
