dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
