Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
