my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
