I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
