why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Boobs speak an international language.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
