I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
