My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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