The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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