I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
