I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
