He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
