Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
