wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
