what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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