My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
