It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
