did you get engaged???
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
