I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
