naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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