Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
