just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
