he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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