i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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