He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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