I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My first STD was from a foam party
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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