She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
