he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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