you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
