I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think your dad took our porno
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
