apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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