i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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