woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
