saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
