Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
