i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
