Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
