I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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