her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
