I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
