there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
