Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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