I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
