I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
