we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
