Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
